"You hesitate to form your decision because you fear making a mistake."
Wednesdays devotional brought my mind back to a tough place that I was at with God last year. I struggled, and still struggle, with the fear of making a mistakes. I dont want to say something "wrong" or do something "wrong".
To put a picture on it, ill relate this to my soccer playing days, which I love to do. In my first game ever playing on the varsity squad, I was called up mid-season from JV. I was nervous. Like I couldnt walk straight kind of nervous. Overall it went well though, we tied the eventual CIF champions. But after the game, when my dad came over to me and asked me how it felt, the first thing I said was, "I didnt get much action on the ball, but at least I didnt make any mistakes." Confused, he replied, "well then you didnt really play did you?". He was half joking, but I remembered the moment. I didnt put 100% of myself into that game, because of the fear that I would look silly, and they would know that I was too young and too inexperienced to be on the field.
Gotta be honest, I played one of the worst games of my life the very next game. I was demoted back to JV, and had to wait a long time to get another chance. But I largely credit that failure of a game for building me up to being a starting player down the road.
So ya, I still do sometimes fear failure. But it's not about me. It in no way has ever been about me. God has the summer written out. God isn't saying, "oh if Tyler has a rough week then campers wont come to know me." Christ has won, it's over. The description of imagining myself as a lifeless body cuts me out of the picture, and strongly glorifies God. I want to make myself less, so that God can be everything. Everything to me, and everything to the churches that come.
Man, I am so excited to meet and love on campers. Just saying.