Over the past few months, I have really struggled to just sit with the Lord. I know I don't need to be perfect to come and sit with Christ, but for some reason it felt (feels) hard to just sit at His feet. I often feel ashamed to sit with Him when I know that I am struggling with so many things.
Just a few weeks ago, He revealed to me (still is) that I am not coming to Him as I am. I wrote this in my journal: I don't need to be perfect to come to Christ. Yes, I am struggling with things not of Him. He doesn't want me to not spend time with Him because I feel ashamed. He doesn't want me to feel ashamed! I cannot heal myself. And not spending time with Him is not allowing Him to deliver me from my dead heart. I must stop focusing on my struggles and how hopeless I feel to change, and rather start focusing on my relationship with Christ.
I again was struggling last night to sit with Him. I journaled last night: So much of me wants to believe that my struggles can fill the emptiness (reading over this today, I realize it is not me, it is lies from the enemy), but another part knows that everything apart from Christ leads to emptiness.
And as I was journaling, I heard Him say to me "Jenna! Stop focusing on how to change yourself, but rather let ME love you! Come, sit with Me."
I must stop focusing on how to change my struggles, and rather start focusing on His fullness and allow Him to "fill the secret, empty recesses of [my] soul" so I can reflect His fullness.