Over the past couple months I've been feeling a frustration with my walk with Christ. When I sat down and spent time with him, I got this momentary feeling of true life and security, and then I was back in the world again, feeling lost and insecure. I was praying about it, but the feeling stayed there. I knew God was using it for his glory, showing me my anger and need for Him. In the midst of it I didn't get it, but about a week ago I felt the Spirit calling me just to rest in His love and grace. It was such a small but important thing that I had lost focus from. Jesus calls us to full dependance and full surrender, and guarantees us he will provide what we need. I felt Him asking me, why are you looking to other things for what can be only found in me?" It hurt to hear it, but the truth is, He really does discipline those he loves.
And also during worship last night God totally gave me another Spirit moment, telling me the same thing. He said "Do you believe my grace is sufficient for you? Do you really, truly believe it?" I thought about it for a while, and then read the verse that we were studying that night: ephesians 2:8-9. "By grace you have been saved, through faith, not of works so that no man may boast...." And man, I gotta say, I was humbled. It hit me like a train wreck. Sometimes we try so hard to play God in our lives. We make following Jesus a checklist and think that by doing everything on it, we are good with God. Well, God totally showed me that I was doing just that, and He gave me a big ol' slap in the face. When I was at the point of doubting God, he was there and in control, and he was trying to get me to look to Him. Satan was fooling me into thinking that what I was doing was right. While it looked right, God was there all along saying, "you're never going to be satisfied anywhere else but me." Its about Him working through us and changing us, and the Spirit living in us. We have a good God. Amen?
See you all tomorrow!
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