hey team,

unfortunately, although i have been doing the devotional, this is the first time i am posting in the blog. i want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for not taking advantage of this opportunity to grow and interact with yall as we prepare for this summer. i have so much love for all of you and this camp and how god moves on the water, and i hate that i have not been investing in this community like i should have been. i have not been prioritizing like i needed to be. and for that i am so sorry.

i want to let you know about what has been going on in my life. although school has been tough, god has totally been using it to teach me so much and refine me. i am in nursing school and i have felt so lost in my school work, like no matter how hard i try or how much i study, its not good enough and i am not smart enough. my confidence level has dropped. but god has been reminding me in the past few weeks that he loves me, that this is what he has called me to do and he has gifted me for it, and that no one ever said school was going to be an easy road. he spoke to me through one of my teachers last week. as we were discussing my strengths and weaknesses, it was like he was using her to directly speak to my heart. i cant find my worth in my profession - i only need to look to my lord and creator for that. he has also been teaching me so much about sin and idols and how we put so many things between us. like how i have been worrying so much about school and how that is so sinful because i am not trusting in god's promises/his faithfulness. i love this quote from john piper -“Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God. No one sins out of duty. We sin because it holds out some promise of happiness. That promise enslaves us until we believe God is more to be desired than life itself.”

i feel like every day god is asking me, "lauren, who are you living for today?" that he wants me to strip away all that fear and self doubt and idolatry so that there is nothing before him, nothing i focus my attention on more, nothing i love more than him. because all that matters is that i live fearlessly for him. that a career is secondary to the work he has called us to do to build up the kingdom.

this week we are learning that christ alone is where our strength and firmness comes from. i love that. last summer, god opened up my eyes to how much i rely on myself, and not on him for strength and how much i hate to admit that i am wrong or flawed. but we have to submit to him and walking away from what the world has to offer. when we believe in him it ends our useless attempts at saving ourselves. that life only comes from the lord. it is such a daily struggle, i love that "trusting is the verb." it reminds us that we need to daily take up our cross and die to ourselves and follow christ.

may we hunger for him and pray, "lord, i need you, oh i need you."